Turning 40 and New Beginnings
Hi Friends, June is my birthday month and I turned 40. I'm not a big "celebrate me it's my birthday" person. But 40 feels like a big deal to me. A new chapter that has been building slowly for several years.
You see, I've always "DID THE THING" I was supposed to do. I had the job. I put in the time. I got promotions. I got engaged (to the wrong guy), I bought the house, the nice car, etc. At some point, I realized I was miserable. My job was dragging me down to the point where I had no joy and no energy to find it. I was giving up parts of stay on this path just because it felt safe. The sparkly bits of myself that made me ME were getting buried. I was terrified that if I kept trudging along on this soulless path, I wouldn't know how to find those bits again.
This awareness evolved for several years spurred by my art practice and the new connections I was making. And so, one year ago, I screwed up all my courage and pulled the plug. I quit the job and decided to build the life I wanted on my terms.
In the past year, I've taken time off to explore myself, and figure out what I really want and need. I have gotten clarity. 40 feels like the beginning of calling back those sparkly bits that I thought I might have lost for good. I no longer feel like I have to hide my quirky spirit to fit in or need get approval for every goddamn thing. I realize the only way to be HAPPY and to accomplish my dreams is to be true to myself.
It felt really fitting that I spent my birthday in my art studio. I was going to install six pieces of art the next day at a brand new co-working space in downtown Orlando. So I worked 'til midnight prepping artwork - painting edges, sealing, installing wire on the backs of all the paintings. Mario, my sweet, supportive, wonderful fiance, helped me all along the way. I went to bed that night with a huge smile on my face.
The next day, I woke up early and drove downtown with my friend, Amy, to install the art. I can't describe how happy I felt to be doing something that I've always wanted to do..ACTUALLY DOING IT. I know it's not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but it's a huge deal to ME because it's a step. I've been busting my ass to put in studio time and to market myself online. This was an opportunity that came to me because of the work I've been doing. I can't describe it, but I can honestly say it was the best birthday I've ever had - hands down.